I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
