Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
