Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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