I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
