i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
