College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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