I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
