I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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