It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
