Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
