His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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