Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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