): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
