so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
