she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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