Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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