In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
