She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
