Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
