my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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