Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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