pop tarts are not kleenex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
BRING THE BAGELS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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