I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
