I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
