Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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