Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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