carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
