That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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