wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
