Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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