I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just gift wrapped bread.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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