She said her name was "party"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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