the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
