She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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