You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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