You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
