Me too!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
