The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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