she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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