I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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