That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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