imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pray to the hookup gods
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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