it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
