I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
