He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
