Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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