You're my little dorito
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
