i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
