quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
