you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
