mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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