i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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