and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
