I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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