im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
