I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
