Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
