So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
