I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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