how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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