So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
