Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
