Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
