You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
