you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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